TopAndCrazy - The Top Crazy & Bizzare Things Of Our World

Thursday, August 19, 2010

Top 10 Amazing Guitars EVER!

1. If you and I were squirrels, could I bust a nut in your hole?

2. I’d like to wrap your legs around my head and wear you like a feed bag.

3. If it’s true that we are what we eat, I could be you by morning!

4. How do you like your eggs: poached, scrambled, or fertilized?

5. I was about to go masturbate and I needed a name to go with your face.

6. Roses are red. Violets are blue. I like spaghetti. Let’s bang!

7. Is that a keg in your pants? ‘Cause I would love to tap that ass!

8. If your right leg was Thanksgiving and your left leg was Christmas, could I meet you between the holidays?

9. You remind me of a Championship bass, I don’t know whether to mount you or eat you!

10. Your parents must be retarded, because you are special.

11. Could I touch your belly button. . . . from the inside?

12. I’m not too good at algebra, but doesn’t u + i = 3D 69?

13. How about we play lion and lion tamer? You hold your mouth open, and I’ll put my head in.

14. I wish you were a door so I could slam you all day long.

15. Nice legs…what time do they open?

16. You’ve got 206 bones in your body, want one more?

17. Those clothes would look great in a crumpled heap on my bedroom floor.

18. My name is (name)…remember that, you’ll be screaming it later.

19. Do you work for UPS? I could have sworn I saw you checking out my package.

20. My love for you is like diarrhea, I just can’t hold it in.

21. Lets play Titanic, you’ll be the ocean and ill go down on you.

22. I’m easy. Are you?

23. I’m trying to determine after years of therapy and lots of testing, whether or not I’m allergic to sex.

24. That dress looks very becoming on you. Of course, if I were on you, I’d becoming too!

25. Wanna play Pearl Harbor?….Its a game where I lay back while you blow the hell out of me.

26. Excuse me, miss, do you give head to strangers? No. Well, then, allow me to introduce myself.

27. You’re like a prize winning fish. I dont know whether to eat you or mount you.

28. I’d like to kiss you passionately on the lips, then move up to your belly button.

29. You must work at Subway, cause you just gave me a footlong.

30. Where you born on a farm? Cause you sure know how to raise a cock!

31. Would you like to try an Australian kiss? It is just like a French kiss, but down under.

32. A cat falls into the water & the rooster laughs. What’s the moral of the story??? A wet pussy alway’s makes a happy cock.

33. I may not be Mr. Right, but I’ll screw you til he shows up.

34. What has 148 teeth and holds back the incredible hulk? My Zipper!

35. If I flip a coin, what do you reckon my chances are of getting head?

36. Hi. I’m an astronaut, and my next mission is to explore Uranus.

37. Hey baby, as long as I have a face, you’ll have a place to sit.

38. The only reason I would kick you out of bed would be to bang you on the floor.

39. Do you want to come over to my place and feed your beaver some wood?

40. Smile! It is the second best thing you can do with your lips.

1. If it is a math/science exam, answer in essay form. If it is long answer/essay form, answer with numbers and symbols. Be creative. Be sure to use plenty of symbols such as Pi.

2. On the answer sheet find a new interesting way to refuse to answer every question. For example: I refuse to answer this question due to the fact that I was absent from the lesson.

3. Run into the exam room looking about frantically. Breathe a sigh of relief. Go to the instructor, say “They’ve found me, I have to leave the country” and run off.

4. Every now and then, clap twice rapidly. If the instructor asks why, tell him/her in a very derogatory tone, “the light bulb that goes on above my head when I get an idea is hooked up to a clapper. DUH!”

5. Every 5 minutes or so, stretch back and lean over the person’s desk that is behind you. Make sure you don’t make eye contact and stretch your arms as far as you can.

6. Comment on the oldest female examiner you can see about how sexy they are looking today.

7. Stand up after about 15 minutes, and say loudly, “Okay, let’s double-check our answers! Number one, A. Number two, C. Number three, E….”

8. Start randomly making “shhhh” noises every 10 minutes. Or alternatively “yesssss” noises after you answer every question.

9. Bring a very random vegetable such as a whole cucumber and put it on your desk. When the teacher asks why it is there yell at them that you might die from scurvy.

10. Start violently shaking your table and making loud noises and shout EAARRRTHHQUAAKKKE!

11. Try to get people in the room to do the wave.

12. Grab every pen or writing implement you have and bundle it in your hand. Suddenly throw it all up high in random directions and scream “METEORS!”

13. Run up to the front and tap loudly on the microphone and say “Chicken check, microphone check 123; has anybody laid an egg yet?”

14. Ask the teacher what the test is on right before you take it. The resulting look of dismay is always priceless.

15. Ask to use the restroom. If the teacher does not let you, start crying that you are going to pee your pants like a baby. If he/she does, make your way to the restrooms by taking the longest possible route by constantly weaving in and out of students desks, each time “accidentally” bumping into them.

16. Challenge the person next to you to a “penis” competition where you compete to say it the loudest each successive time until it reaches screaming point.

17. Refuse to meet the supervisor’s demands of taking the exam unless he or she places you right next to the biggest hottie/slut in the room.

18. Walk into the exam room without shoes but just socks. If anyone questions it tell them its part of your Japanese tradition and that if they don’t approve of it you will report him/her for discrimination.

19. Announce in the most sincere voice loudly that there has been a misprint in the last 5 questions and that everyone gets free marks for them.

20. Stand up and start randomly probing yourself with a ruler. If anyone says anything against it say “Well it’s a prostate exam isn’t it?”

10. Alcohol Taste Good!

Usually, people grimace at their first taste of an alcoholic drink. Indeed, drinking these buggers takes some time to get used to. Yet, once you get the hang of taking a swig or a shot, these drinks can be instrumental to a very pleasant experience. Alcoholic drinks can really taste good; some, like wine and champagne, are even included in gourmet menus. Getting drunk on these tasty drinks is like feeling full and satisfied after a particularly delicious meal.

9. The Weekend Has Finally Come

Free from work and obligation, you should let your hair down when the weekend comes. A short day trip to the beach or a simple walk through the park would be enough to ease your mind. However, when the past week was a lot more stressful than usual, you might need to party the entire weekend. Invite some friends over and tell them to bring loads of booze. You might need some serious unwinding, and what better way is there than to enjoy large amounts of beer? After all, alcoholic drinks are relaxants, due to the ethanol found in them.

8. You Lack Sleep

If you’re finding it particularly hard to fall asleep at night, a few bottles might just be the solution to your sleepless woes. The relaxants in alcohol can be consumed up to the point that it makes you fall right asleep. Be careful, though. You’ve probably heard enough about hangovers and how some of them can be extremely excruciating. Be sure to have some water alongside your poison of choice. That way, you keep from getting dehydrated, eventually mitigating the dreaded hangover.

7. Inhibitions Go out the Window

Getting drunk is about losing control, an idea that some people despise. Still, there are numerous occasions where a loss of control is exactly what the doctor would prescribe. Life is so much larger than people anyway, so why keep on controlling it? Sometimes, people need to free themselves of all their inhibitions and just do whatever they want to do. Living life along such rigid standards can be quite unhealthy. Therefore, having a few beers on the night before you have to deliver a very important presentation can sometimes be what you need to psyche yourself up.

6. Conversations Flow Easier

Where the drinks are free-flowing, often the conversations are, too. A few bottles to get you relaxed and calm could get your thoughts running and your ideas soaring. People could find the inebriated you a lot more interesting than your sober self. Don’t overdo the booze, though, as you might start to slur and babble. You might even laugh at the most inappropriate times, and blurt out the most obscene things.

5. It’s a Time for Camaraderie

Consuming large amounts of alcohol is often the best time to catch up with long-lost friends. A beer shared is often a more steadfast symbol of your undying friendship than a simple greeting card. With a few rounds, you get caught up on who’s dating who, who’s working for whom, who’s married to whom, and who’s still single.

4. Just Because…

Some things in life are best experienced without any pretense of a goal or objective. The best impetus to go out drinking is probably to have no real reason for doing so. The experience itself is the end goal. After all, there is much to feel, as well as learn, from being in a state of heightened inebriation. If you and your friends find that you all share the urge to get pissed drunk, don’t hesitate to do so. Believe that such spontaneous gatherings happen rarely, and should therefore be savored once they do come along.

3. Mournful About Something?

Sometimes, booze can be the ultimate distraction from a particularly painful experience. A person very close to you may have passed away. Maybe your long-time partner suddenly decided it was time to move on. Whatever the reason, getting drunk can sometimes be the only way to find some repose. Remember, though, a night of unbridled fun and booze is just one night. Come the next day, whatever it is that you were trying to avoid will still be there. Still, if you decide that a night of drunkenness is what you need, go ahead.

2. There’s Always Something To Celebrate!

Drinking doesn’t always have to start with some tragedy. At times, a pretty happy occasion deserves a few rounds of alcoholic beverages. It helps that a celebratory booze session can be for anything, really. Maybe you passed your board exams or your best friend may have finally moved out of his parents’ basement. You could also declare your drinking session an ode to the joys of life. Whatever the reason, it’s best to remember that the whole point of getting drunk is to have fun. If it starts to get a bit out of hand (like when someone starts doing things they shouldn’t be doing), the celebration should stop.

1. If It’s Free… Well…

Sometimes, the real impetus for getting drunk is convenience. Imagine, for instance, you’re in a wedding and all alcoholic beverages are free. Not wanting to let up a chance of enjoying the most expensive drinks without spending a single dime, you could do yourself some good by having a large share. The opportunity for drunken fun has already presented itself. The fact that the booze is free makes the proposition a lot more appealing than usual, so go ahead and make most of the situation.